Waiting.

This past week I have learned many valuable lessons about myself that simply cannot be taught in a classroom or read in a book.

I want control.

I want to be in charge.

I want things to go my way.

I want people to learn how to do their jobs well.

I want to see results of people doing their jobs well.

I want efficiency, preparedness and responsibility.

Obviously, there are a lot of “I wants.” They aren’t bad wants and most of them come naturally with a program manager’s position and responsibilities. During my brief time in Africa I have found that my plans, my wants, my desires for control are frequently thwarted. Despite my wants, I am powerless.

Example: our generator blew up yet again and the flux capacitor needs to take the long trip to Kampala. The replacement generator is also down for the count with a KO. A third loaner also DOA. It’s now been 10 hours and new (but used) generator has been brought from another SP sub-office. It’s tough to do a job with no electricity, no printer and no emails. I wait…for an electrician, mechanic, and return of a phone call. I wait for email responses from donors, reports to come in from the field and orders to be fulfilled and delivered from Kampala. I wait for spare parts to come so I can rent a tractor. I’m stuck.

I have said before that I have never been in a place where time goes faster. Monday blurs to Friday and 9am becomes 4:30 quicker than a little kid running down the stairs on Christmas morning. It’s been a crazy few months but in the midst of the madness I am learning valuable lessons in waiting. I work, I plan, I prepare then I wait. It has forced me to pray, to surrender and submit. It is becoming less about me and more about how God can get me out of jams. It’s a good place to be, not fun, but good.

Today in staff devotions we read from John 12 where Jesus predicts his death. He says, “Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!” Despite Christ’s fear of his pending death, he wanted his father’s name to be glorified above all else. The same thing occurred a few chapters back when Jesus brought Lazarus back to life. Jesus says, “This sickness (Lazarus’) will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” God acts so he can be glorified. I wait….so God can be glorified.

In Psalms 27:13-14, David writes,
I am confident of this; I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
That is my prayer. That God will show me his goodness in Karamoja, a land of drought, environmental destruction and barrenness, but a land of the living and a land of beauty. I pray that my projects and my beneficiaries will be strong and take heart.

In the midst of it all, I wait for the Lord.